From Drama to Empowerment – Stepping out of the Drama Triangle
By Shiwani Gurwara
October 31, 2025
Ever wondered how you land up in a similar situation repeatedly, no matter what you tried? How is it that you end up doing all the work or always get taken advantage of, or end up having to scream to get anything done? If you are frantically nodding your head, welcome to the Drama Triangle; a space that all of us fall into at some time or another.
The good news is that it is not as mysterious as the Bermuda Triangle and once we understand it, there is hope that we can step out of it intentionally and consciously.
So, What is it? This Drama Triangle.
The Drama Triangle is a social model developed by Karpman (1968) that depicts three very common dysfunctional patterns that we fall into. These three patterns are:
- Persecutor
- Victim
- Rescuer
The Persecutor role is characterised by criticism, judgment, blaming, lashing out, rigidity, dominating behaviour and an internal attitude of ‘me-first’.
The Victim role involves feeling helpless, oppressed, and powerless. There is dependency and self-pity and this role seeks out Rescuers.
The Rescuer role has at its heart the tendency of feeling responsible for others and being over-helpful. Rescuers see others as helpless and feel guilty when they cannot solve problems (especially for others)
But Wait, Why are we calling a Rescuer Role Dysfunctional?
An oft asked question, indeed!
It feels like helping others, sacrificing personal comfort, going the extra mile is a good thing. Our upbringing and culture also sings praise for the sacrifices that people have done to achieve greatness, be it the Rani of Jhansi, Bhagat Singh, Bhishma Pitamaha, Puru (the prince who exchanged his youth for his father Yayati’s old age).
While the idea is not to dissuade people from helping others, the Rescuer role takes on responsibility at the cost of self.
Each of the Drama Triangle roles has a payoff that the theatre artist is seeking to gain. The payoff for the rescuer is a feeling of being capable and helpful. It allows the individual to feel needed and worthy.
The Persecutor receives a payoff of feeling ‘right’ and derives comfort in being in control.
While the Victim feels like a ‘poor’ soul, it is a role that derives the payoff from being cared for, taken care of. Rescuers come flocking to help the Victim. But Persecutors are also (unconsciously) attracted to them.
In the pictorial representation of the Drama Triangle, the Rescuer and Persecutor roles are depicted as 1-up positions and the Victim is represented as a 1-down position. However, some argue that the Victim role is a powerful one where the Rescuer and the Persecutor entangle themselves in a Drama that is not really theirs. The Victim role allows the individual to stay helpless and yet get taken care of by the Rescuer.
Hmm…What Drama Role do you Play?
All of them. At some time or another. In fact, you can move from one role to another in a single conversation. Let me give you an example.
Team Member 1: This project is taking too much time. I don’t think I will be able to meet the deadline. I am so worried. (an invitation to a Rescuer)
Team Member 2: Why don’t you explain what you need and I will help you with it. (rescuer promptly arrives on the scene and offers a solution)
Team Member 1: Oh! That’s so sweet.
Team Member 1 offloads a large part of the task to Team Member 2 and Team Member 1 feels overwhelmed. (Team Member 1 abuses the help and Team Member 2 feels taken advantage of)
Team Member2: Hi! I don’t think I will be able to finish all this by the deadline.
Team Member1: How can you do this to me. You said you would help me. Now I have made other plans based on your promise. (Team Member 1, who was earlier the Victim changes role and becomes the Persecutor)
Manager: What’s going on?
Team Member 1: He mentioned that he would help me and is now backing out of the task. (Team Member 1 back to Victim role, complaining to the Manager, hoping for a Rescuer)
Manager1: How can you give your task to someone else like this, without checking with me? He has his own work assigned to him. (Manager becomes the Persecutor by accusing Team Member 1)
Team Member 2: No no…I offered to help! (Team Member 2 goes back to being the Rescuer)
But What’s the Problem? This is Life, Isn’t it?
The issues with being in these Drama Triangle roles is that we are never really doing any of this consciously. Often, we find ourselves in similar and familiar patterns that are frustrating. After such interactions, we wonder what happened and why we land up in such repeated patterns. Over time, these can hurt relationships and lead to more complicated situation.
While we are not Victims, Rescuers or Persecutors per se, most of us have a dominant role that we incline towards. Those are the patterns that we are most likely to find ourselves in repeatedly and frustratingly.
You may be playing a Persecutor role if you:
- Get frustrated and feel people don’t do it the right way
- Find yourself being bossy or arrogant
- Take others for granted
- Are critical of what others are doing or saying
- See imperfections in others
- Work hard to be in the ‘right’
Signs that you may be playing the Rescuer role are that you:
- Agree to doing things that you really don’t want to
- Give advice to others who don’t ask for it
- Do more than your share of work
- Feel responsible for other people’s feelings
- Don’t know how to ask for help or take care of your own needs
- Believe that sacrifice is a good thing
You may be playing the Victim role if you:
- Think you are not self-sufficient or grown up
- See that others jump in to save you
- Feel that you need to be taken care of
- Contribute less in team/group tasks
- Feel like you don’t matter
- Feel guilty that others are doing more than their share of the work
The origins of the dominant Drama Triangle position lie in childhood. At some early time in life, being the saviour, or having control or showing helplessness worked for us. It seemed like the only way to cope with the situation and so we did that and made a (probably non-verbal) decision that ‘This works!’. As we grew up, circumstances changed, we gained agency, we increased resources and resourcefulness. But we stayed stuck with that decision – Being helpless/in control/helping others works! We don’t change that and find ourselves in difficult situations in conversations and relationships.
Stepping Out of the Drama Triangle
The first step to stepping out of the Drama Triangle may need you to start reflecting on your conversations. Understand the story that you are telling yourself that is no longer true. Recognise the role you are falling into.
To step out of the rescuing drama, wait for others to ask for help or ask what they want before jumping in with advice or help. Realise when you are about to walk into the drama and learn to say ‘no’ assertively. Understand that you need to ‘put your own mask first, before helping the one sitting beside you’. Over time, this will also help you strengthen your belief that people can take care of themselves.
To stop being the persecutor, actively develop your compassionate side and listen to others. Look for something to appreciate in others. It might also help to explore what you might be afraid of, if you let go of the control.
Victims may need to become aware of the choices they make that lead to feeling helpless. Focus on what is in your control can enable action and agency. Motivate yourself and learn to have faith in your own abilities. Resist the urge to seek out someone who will ‘save’ you from your troubles.
All this is easier said than done!
As you step out of this familiar and therefore comfortable zone, you are likely to feel discomfort. People might wonder what happened to you and why you are no longer jumping in to help or suddenly being so calm. Stick with the plan, though! You may discover a more grounded, happier and peaceful version of yourself.
About the author:
Shiwani understands the pressures of the corporate world, having walked that path as an AVP. She also possesses a nuanced understanding of human behavior, which comes from years of practicing as a psychotherapist and PCC-certified coach. With over 25 years of experience, including impactful tenures at TNS Group and a successful entrepreneurial venture, Shiwani brings a uniquely grounded perspective to leadership development. At Navgati, Shiwani delivers transformative programs like “Stand Tall” for women leaders, “Leading Edge” for new managers, and “People Smart” for senior executives, partnering with industry giants like Asian Paints, L’Oreal, Samsung and more. And beyond the workspace, Shiwani’s passion for trekking, cross-country driving, and psychotherapy (check out her Instagram reels!) speaks to her adventurous spirit and zest for life.